Stop trying to be happy

The harder you try to be happy, the more unhappy you become

Photo by Neal Kharawala on Unsplash

I first began to notice these things when I started watching movies and some reality shows some years ago; people who had it as their goal in life to be happy. I always knew something was very wrong with that. First, if your goal is to be happy in life it means you are currently not happy. And it’s quite crazy because I found this thought common among the affluent, people you would think are already happy. Those who are categorized as lacking “basic amenities” certainly do not look forward to happiness. Those who have everything provided, look forward to happiness as if it were a jewel or something.

Happiness is not something you possess or have, happiness is what you make. Happiness is what you make from what you have. If you don’t have it now, you are never going to have it in the future. That’s because the reason you don’t have it now is because you have not created it. The modern world has swept a lot of people off their feet by showmanship. They try to show you their product or service as something that will grant you that dose of happiness that you’ve been lacking. And then you consume what they have to offer and then it takes you on the high, only to send you back down lower. You grow to begin to fill an hunger or desire for something that is not there. You want to get back to that high feeling. That high feeling is not happiness and if you insist it is, you will descend into epic lows. It boils down to what you believe.

You make your happiness yourself. If you didn’t make the happiness, it’s just a “shoot up, run down” feeling. The problem of feeling high is the lows that come afterwards. True happiness is a plain. When you see people dying of depression, it’s not the lows that really edged them in, rather it is the impossible highs they experienced at one point or another in their careers. Depression is not a disease, but it can certainly descend into one. Trying to get yourself on to a high might not be a good idea. In fact, it is not. Right there where you are find something to do that will be gratitude worthy. If you live in an environment where there are lots of “fake” people, find a countryside or town or village where you can go often to cool off. Find an elderly couple you can live with. Find a house with a lot of kids and get to live with the kids. Leave your comfort zone. Take your mental life seriously.

Stop trying to be happy. Never make being happy your goal in life. That is very vague and ridiculous. You will find yourself going after the highs. And if you continue with that, the consistent lows will drag you into chronic depression. Listen, life is difficult. And that is where the fun is really. The puzzle nature of life’s circumstances is what makes living an adventure. If you are up only for the good times, you will be sad for the most part of your life. You must learn how to make something to smile and laugh about from your situations and circumstances. And this doesn’t mean comedy. Comedy is mostly sarcastic and takes people lower with it. Write your own songs and sing them to yourself; that’s far better!

Happiness is what you make. It is a plain (not a high). The problem many have is that they believe that when they are not happy and ecstatic, they are down. That is absolutely not true. Of course, I get pissed by all these adverts that seem to connect people’s happiness to a product or service. So people from a young age have been conditioned that they are meant to feel or act in a certain way towards certain things. So, they feel like they are in heaven when they get a product or service they like. And then when the boring and tasking life situation shows, they feel they are low and hence drag themselves lower. Depression is a curse of the elite society and if you are going to be immune to it, you need to cut yourself out of that society in your mind.

Nothing is wrong with you, don’t let people box you into a corner because of your preferences in certain things (that are subject to change). Don’t try to please anybody, it’s not worth it. You can make money in New York without living in New York. Live with purpose. Don’t let the trends sweep you off your feet. Just because someone is more highly placed than you doesn’t mean you should swallow everything the fellow says. The harder you try to be happy, the more unhappy you become. Don’t try to be happy. Instead, keep around you people who communicate gratitude to you. Also, people you communicate gratitude to.

If you are very wealthy, you can consider this. Have someone you pay that tells you something true, sincere and praiseworthy about you every week. You can have someone you pay to have a honest, gratitude-filled conversation with you like every 3 days. I can sure do that if I consider the person as someone that can be impacted by me. You may send me a mail if you want more insights on this.

The key to being happy and staying happy is to have sincere people in your life that you can open up to without fear that can communicate gratitude and grace to you. Don’t even think of trying things to make yourself happy. Cheers!

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